A Friend in Tough TimesNäide

Ten ways to help people through pain

What do you do when a loved one is in pain? When a friend is grieving a miscarriage, a buddy just got dumped, or you make it to the front of the line at a funeral, what do you say? What do you do?

I bet it is some combination of these ten things: (1) Just be there. Sometimes your presence is enough. (2) Say sorry. Express your sympathies for their loss. (3) Share a story. Have you been through something similar? (4) Offer help. Bring over a dinner to stick in their freezer. (5) Offer hope. Share how you, over time, got through it. (6) Offer a silver lining. Point out how many people are here to show their support. (7) Preach God’s plans. Romans 8:28 is a classic. (8) Preach God’s presence. Psalm 73:26 is my favorite. (9) Preach God’s sympathy. Hebrews 4:15 is a go-to. (10) Preach God’s salvation. Revelation 21:4 is golden.

I won’t lie to you. Pain is messy. Any of these ideas can backfire with someone who is suffering (especially #6 and #7). But we all need community in the midst of personal tragedy. Show up, pray for wisdom, and do something. You just might be the glimpse of Jesus that your loved one needs.

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (Colossians 3:12).