Friend or Foe? (Hard People)

I’ve heard it said that when God wants to bless you, he sends people into your life, and when the devil wants to curse you, he sends people into your life. In other words, people can be incredibly helpful and empowering or terrifyingly destructive—your biggest source of joy, or the reason you need years of therapy.

How do you deal with difficult people? First, remember: People are hard, but people are essential. You can’t do life alone. Think about how much of your childhood revolved around others: your parents or guardians, siblings, friends, teachers. Then consider the power of your relationships today, including your spouse, your kids, friends, extended family, coworkers, your boss, and neighbors.

To an enormous degree, these interactions determine the quality of your life. Relationships have the power to bless you or curse you, to build you up or tear you down.

That’s why Proverbs 13:20 says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” If you are surrounded by mean, selfish, immature people, they will affect you externally by inflicting harm on your life, and internally by influencing your values and damaging your character.

You can’t necessarily remove hard people from your life, so what can you do? Here are four suggestions to get you started: Notice who is contributing to your purpose (and keep this group small and close); learn to be patient and long-suffering (as Paul wrote in Romans 12:18, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone”); take the good and leave the bad (sometimes lessons come even from those who are difficult); and set healthy boundaries (establishing limits when people are simply too harmful to remain in your life).

These four things are by no means exhaustive, but they’re a good start. Remember, your goal is to connect with people, not change them or judge them. So when hard people come into your life, don’t get mad. Get curious, then get to work figuring out how to relate better to them. There might be one or two that you’ll have to wisely exclude from your life, but I believe the majority are sent by God to empower and bless you.

Father in heaven, please help me navigate the “hard” relationships in my life with grace, strength, clarity, and love. In Jesus’ name, Amen.