GRACE Abounds for the Spouseنموونە

Classic Car

Think of your wife like a classic car. The car does not lose its value after a wreck. Someone who appreciates its beauty and appealing quality can restore it to its original glory. The restoration process takes time and patience, and once complete, you certainly do not hop in, rev it to 80, and slam it into gear. Doing so could leave you walking home alone.

Sexual intimacy after trauma requires a unique approach. Charging into the bedroom like a man on a mission can cause harm rather than build your connection. You cannot launch into intimacy with pressure, force, or entitlement. It is not a conquest to win — it is a connection to nurture. You see, intimacy after trauma does not thrive under pressure but retreats from pursuit. Think of intimacy like driving a manual transmission with a slow start, constant listening, and occasional gear shifting. Create an environment of peace and safety, then wait — with patience, awe, and reverence. Cultivating safety will do more to grow intimacy with your wife than chasing after it ever could.

You need to learn your wife's rhythm. Some days, it may be a short drive around town. On other days, it can feel like you are idling. And, sometimes, the garage is closed. As you continue to become one with your wife, the safety she feels from your patience, honesty, and humility reassures her that you will meet her at the speed she needs.

Even in tender moments, your wife's body reactions may rise unexpectedly. She might hesitate, freeze, flinch, cry, or pull away. This response is not rejection — it is stored trauma. Unconditional love means trying to understand these moments and giving her the room to say no or the space to say yes when she is ready to move on. Letting your wife hold the keys at times will keep the engine of your marriage well-oiled with trust, not tension. And if the car is driving smoothly, think of all the ground you could cover as you give your legs a rest, trekking up that mountain!