A Disciple's Journeyনমুনা

The Fallout

The fallout from Peter’s terrible day was swift and all-consuming. His life was shattered.

He immediately broke down into tears, as he felt the full weight of what he had done. Just imagine what that would have been like. What do you think was going through his mind in the hours after? Do you think he would have been able to sleep that night? He must have replayed the last three years in his mind, remembering all that he had given up to follow Christ and all that he had seen and experienced. Imagine how far he had come only to reach what seemed like a dead end, as he crashed and burned at the most crucial moment.

It also seems possible that Peter was afraid. When Jesus first appeared to the disciples in John chapter 20, they were huddled together in a locked room. That was probably to keep out the authorities, who may have wanted to arrest them as Jesus’s co-conspirators. But try to put yourself in Peter’s shoes. Think about how he might have felt when he first heard the report that Jesus was resurrected. Do you think he would have been excited? Or would he have been afraid? He may have thought he had permanently forfeited his spot on Christ’s team.

For many reasons, sin and failure can often lead to fear. Fear of the consequences of our actions. Fear of being found out. Fear of what this will mean for our future.

We get a hint about Peter’s mindset in John 21. At this point, Peter knew that Jesus had been raised from the dead. But Peter declares to the other disciples that he’s going to go fishing. It’s possible that Peter just wanted to get some dinner for himself or for the group. But it almost seems like he was going back to his old livelihood, reverting back to the job he had before he knew Christ. Being a disciple hadn’t worked out, so maybe Peter was activating his fallback plan. Yes, Jesus was resurrected, and Peter had already seen him twice, according to John. But what did that have to do with him now? That path was closed. He had already blown it. This is speculation, but it seems like this could have been Peter’s mindset at the time.

We have moments like this, too. When we make a big mistake, we think our lives and our ministries must be over. It’s true that there are consequences to sin, but it never means that our lives are over. God can always find new ways to use us for His kingdom and glory.