Freedom Through Forgivenessনমুনা

How Can I Forgive Them?

We all will get hurt in this life. People are not perfect, and they hurt us. This is why living a life of forgiveness is essential! It’s not a matter of if you will need to forgive someone; it’s a matter of when. And if we stay ready to forgive others, we will grow in this life at a rate that most people won’t.

Of course, some situations are harder to overcome than others, but no matter the source or the depth of the wound, forgiveness is always the first step in healing. Without forgiveness, you will stay trapped.

Some people say, "You don’t know what they did to me. If you did, you would know that I can’t forgive them." Forgiveness is not a matter of ability; it’s a matter of desire. The real question is "Do I want to forgive them?" There is no such thing as someone who can’t forgive the person who hurt them.

Let’s Be Real

If the person who hurt you apologizes, would you forgive them? Some will say yes, while others will say no. So, let’s take it another step,

If the person who hurt you apologized and could restore you—and does—would you forgive them then? Here, more people will say yes, but some will still say no.

If the person who hurt you apologized, had the ability to restore you, and followed through with it, plus took care of every problem in your life—including other pain outside the situation as a sort of repayment—would you do it then? At this point, most people will say yes, even though they may still deal with the pain. Most will say, "Hey, I will get over the other stuff."

It’s not that you can’t forgive; you are choosing not to forgive!

When you say, "I can’t forgive them," you are

1. Saying that God is a liar

2. Saying that you are not strong enough

3. Giving more power in your life to the person who hurt you than you are giving to God

God Is Not a Liar

"Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." - Colossians 3:13 ESV

God is saying to forgive one another. God will not command us to forgive others if we lack the capacity to do so. He is not holding the dollar bill that moves every time you reach for it. He doesn’t give commandments to tease us. If He tells us to do something, that means we can do it.

Just because something may seem hard doesn’t mean that it’s impossible.

You Are Strong Enough

In cases where the wound is deep and has been there over a long period of time (prolonged abuse), the pain is so intense that it seems like it’s impossible to forgive. However, God didn’t make exceptions to the command to forgive people. This is because your forgiveness is not dependent on what the person did to you; it is dependent on how you choose to respond to their actions.

Your response to the pain has more power than the pain itself.

If God says that you can forgive, it means you are strong enough to do so. Don’t allow the pain that you feel to make you feel like you are not strong enough. Forgiveness is a decision! The feelings will catch up to your decision if you let them.

Don’t Give the Offender Any More Power

When you say you can’t forgive, you are giving more power to the person who hurt you, and you are giving that person more power in your life than God.

Most people who say they "can’t forgive" are waiting for something to happen. They are waiting for an apology or for the pain to go away from what happened. Some don’t think they can forgive unless they have forgotten about what happened to them.

When you say I can’t forgive them, you are allowing that person to keep power over you, and in some cases, that person has already moved on.

Don’t Block God

In the area of forgiveness, if you are struggling with this decision, you can ask God for help, and He will help you! He is always ready and waiting to help us, but we must go to Him.

The person who says, "I just don’t want to forgive them," is further along than the person who says, "I can’t forgive them." The person who says, "I don’t want to forgive them," is acknowledging the fact that they have a decision to make about forgiving them. It’s not the best place to be, but at least they know the TRUTH of God’s Word—that it’s their choice. They are not falling for the other lies that many people fall for about "feeling" like it, waiting for an apology, or waiting for God to do some great miracle.

The person who says, "I can’t," is falling for one or more of the lies about forgiveness, and they need to let the Word of God into their lives to expose the lie. I am not saying that they will forgive AS SOON AS they hear the truth, but the lies must be exposed for them to understand that forgiveness is their decision to make, not a feeling to feel.