The Loneliness Trap and the Relationships You Craveনমুনা

When's the last time you had a conversation that changed you? I’m not talking about a quick text exchange or social media comment thread, but a real, face-to-face conversation that left you feeling differently. Has it been a while?

There's something powerful about being in the same room with someone that can't be replicated through a screen. You can read body language, pick up on subtle emotions, and share moments that create deeper connection.

The writer of Hebrews understood this principle. "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” (Hebrews 10:24-25 NIV)

In the first century, before smartphones or social media, some people struggled to prioritize gathering together. They didn't take seriously the importance of physical proximity for encouraging one another.

I know lots of people who met their spouses online through dating apps. But soon after, they wanted to meet in-person. I don't know anyone who met, dated, and got married online without in-person contact. Eventually, you want to be together physically.

You might be thinking, "But I don't have time to meet in person all the time." Or "It's easier to just text." Or "What if it gets awkward?" I get it. But here's what screen-only relationships cost us: we miss the deeper conversations that happen when we're actually together, experienced through someone looking us in the eye and offering meaningful touch.

If you want a relationship to grow deeper, there's only so much you can accomplish through a screen. Eventually, you need to be in the same place.

This means we have to start doing whatever it takes to get physically close to people. Maybe it means saying, "I'll run errands with you because that's time we can be together." Perhaps you suggest taking walks together or finding another regular activity you can share.

We underestimate how significant it is to sit across from someone and share physical space with them. If the people you’re closest to live hours away, you know the yearning you feel to get together with them more than a few times per year. “I wish they could just come over right now!”

I think about my Wednesday morning coffee group. We'd been meeting for months, but we were still just going through the motions. It wasn't until I got vulnerable and shared what was really going on in my life that everything changed. But here's the key: we were already gathering consistently. We'd established the habit of proximity, which created the opportunity for deeper connection.

Without that regular gathering, that moment of breakthrough never would have happened. The proximity didn't guarantee intimacy, but it made intimacy possible. However, proximity isn't just about showing up physically. It's about showing up with intentionality and vulnerability, too.

The writer of Hebrews knew something we sometimes forget: gathering together isn't just nice, it's necessary. We need each other in ways that can only happen when we're physically present.

This week, choose one person and suggest one specific way to spend time together in-person. Don't overthink it, just pick up your phone and suggest coffee, a walk, or even running errands together.

Remember, every day you're either moving toward or away from God's vision for your relationships. Proximity is one of the most practical ways to move in the right direction.

Tomorrow, we'll talk about what to do once you've created that proximity.