Write Your Way Closer to Godনমুনা

What Do You Really Think?

I discover things that I think, things that I never really knew I believed before I began writing. I ask myself questions that a best friend might not even feel comfortable asking to discover my actual motives. Simply by asking myself the questions, Why do you want things to be the way they are?, Why did you feel hurt?, Where’s all the intensity coming from?, and exploring them through writing the possibilities, I learn a tremendous amount about myself.

• When I notice my quiet times are no longer regular and I can think of all kinds of good reasons why I can’t read my Bible, I ask myself, “Why don’t I want to spend time with God? Did something happen that I wish hadn't happened?”
• When I'm feeling like I'm allowing others to suck the life out of me and don't know what to do about it, I might ask myself, “Why can't I set boundaries? What’s in this dysfunction for me?”

If you asked me these questions, I’d think you were nuts. Of course, I’m not angry at God. Of course, I don’t want to be consumed by my friend. But maybe, just maybe, there’s a struggle going on at a deeper level, a struggle that I’m not even conscious of. It’s happened so often now, I know it’s possible. As I’m pondering these questions, exploring various possibilities, grabbing fleeting thoughts out of the air and writing them down, I’ll sense a response within me that tells me I’m on the right track. Keep seeking.

Sometimes, it’s not the first or second possibility that I explore that really grabs me. But if I stay at it, writing down my thoughts, discovering what's going on inside my heart, I'll write something that rings true. Here is the real treasure. And when you find the shadowy hint of truth, no matter how hard it is to acknowledge, pursue it. Plunge into the murky waters of your heart and search until you find the pearl. Emotion is a neon clue. Something that brings tears to my eyes or makes me think, Aha! assures me that I'm on the right track. Paul encourages us to examine ourselves (1 Cor 11:28). The Lord knows our hearts and motives. We are the ones who are clueless.

What longings do you have? Can you write a prayer expressing your heart to Jesus?