The Marriage Courseনমুনা

### The Art of Communication We all have a deep longing for emotional connection; it is a fundamental human need. Emotional connection in marriage will only be achieved where there is good communication. #### Effective communication Different levels of communication: * Level 1: Passing on information * Level 2: Sharing our ideas and opinions * Level 3: Being open about our feelings and needs Level 3 takes vulnerability and requires trust and involves both speaking and listening well. Good communication is multilayered; it involves: * our words * our tone of voice * our body language #### The importance of listening Our aim in marriage should be to listen twice as much as we talk. Good listening is one of the most important skills to learn for a strong marriage. Listening has great power to make our husband or wife feel loved and valued. #### Hindrances to listening Five bad listening habits 1\. Disengaging When we have a separate conversation going on in our head or we’re not listening properly because of our physical environment. 2\. Reassuring Not allowing our partner to voice negative emotions. 3\. Giving advice Focusing on solutions rather than empathising with our partner. 4\. Going off on a tangent Taking over the conversation with our own agenda. 5\. Interrupting Failing to let our partner finish what they want to say. These habits can prevent the speaker from saying what they’re feeling, which may eventually cause them to shut down. We can all learn the art of effective listening, but it takes time and requires us to be intentional. #### Five steps for reflective listening 1\. Try to put yourself in your partner’s shoes Put your own views to one side and really appreciate what it’s like for your partner to be feeling the way that they do. 2\. Acknowledge what they’ve said When you have listened to what your partner wants to say, reflect back what they have said rather than putting your own opinion or point of view. 3\. Find out what is most important Then ask your husband or wife: ‘What is the most important part of what you have been saying?’ 4\. Help them work out what they might do Now ask: ‘Is there anything you would like to do (or, if appropriate, like me or us to do) about what you have said?’ 5\. Ask if your partner has said all they need to Don’t assume you already know everything your partner wants to say. If there is more, reflect this back, too.