The Sacred Search by Gary ThomasSample

“A Complete Turnaround”

In one sense, everything I’ve said up until this point, taken out of context, could seriously mislead you. If you’ve heard me say, “Do your homework, find a godly spouse, and you’ll have a wonderful, spiritually rich marriage until the day you die,” you’ve heard too much. There’s no guarantee. The reality is, people are dynamic creatures. Many people change for the worse. Some who seem to live for their faith in their twenties become ardent foes of the faith in their thirties or forties. Some people who remain virgins until they get married suddenly start acting up sexually fifteen years after the wedding.

I’d really sad, but it happens. I’m just trying to be honest.

Here’s the thing, though: If marriage really is about why more than who, your mission will still be the same. Hosea was faithful to God even as his prostitute wife was unfaithful to him. Bathsheba became the most of David’s son, taking an honored place in the genealogy of Jesus, even though David took her when she was still married to another man and then murdered her husband. When it’s mission first and marriage second, you realize you can serve God in a happy or a sad marriage, an unusually difficult or a (relatively) easy marriage.

Because there are not “right” people—in the sense that all of us will “stumble in many ways” (James 3:2) and are prone to sin—it’s all the more important that we pursue marriage for the right reason. If the person becomes our primary pursuit and that person goes bad, where does that leave us? If we’re driven by mission (which is, at the root, a relationship with God), then we will never lose our core purpose.

Secondly, if you marry for the right motivations, if you keep God first in your life, if you live by Matthew 6:33 and also seek, as Paul wrote, to be ever filled with the Spirit, you will never be alone in your marriage. You will face trials, but you won’t face a single trial without God’s comfort, guidance, and presence.

* Does it scare you that your spouse’s character could still change significantly? How does your living by Matthew 6:33 give comfort should this occur?