Day Two

Have you ever noticed how some people change their vocabulary when talking to doctors or lawyers? Use words that don’t come naturally or unfamiliar terms, which may not even be relevant? Talking to God can sometimes cause us to do the same thing. It’s as if there is a “Prayer Formula” and we don’t have all the pieces, or perhaps we fret over details that are unimportant. Some of us feel inadequate if we can’t sound as eloquent as others around us. I have been running a ministry for over twenty years and still have not learned to speak “Christianese.” When asked to pray in public, I can sometimes feel like a Vacation Bible School child when I should sound like a well-versed evangelist. But I realize this is a lie. God wants us to be authentic. He wants us to share what’s on our hearts and hold nothing back. It’s when we let go of these imaginary restrictions and irrational insecurities that we deepen our relationship with Christ. Who are we fooling anyway? He knows us better than we know ourselves!

The title of this story is: “Did I cry too much on the stand?”

My over-attention to detail and order sometimes feels like a curse. Having had a restaurant of my own in the past, I cannot walk into one without immediately counting the number of burned-out lightbulbs or straw wrappers on the floor, how many times the phone rings before someone finally answers it, and if there is a misspelled word on the menu, it jumps right off the page and screams at me.

The grocery store often falls short of my expectations. There have been a few unforgivable moments in the checkout line recently, ones that have been difficult to unsee. For instance, there was the clerk who made the mistake of grabbing too many produce items at one time and somehow thought it made sense to sling my green onions under her armpit until she could get to them. (Needless to say, the green onions went into the trash on my way out the door.)

So, considering the standard I try to set and maintain at Blue Monarch, one might imagine it would be hard for me to live with the natural clunkiness, chaos, and millions of moving parts that come with serving lots of women and children. I will admit, it is challenging. There is an element of surrender I must exercise every single unpredictable day, which begins with a deep breath and a prayer. I can do this. Big picture, big picture.

Nevertheless, even though some details may occasionally fall through the cracks and the day rarely goes as planned, I have discovered this one thing: God acts on his own time and the miracle often happens in spite of us - in a way we never expect.

Take this incredible mother, for instance. Jessie, like many of our moms, had lost custody of her daughter and was at Blue Monarch to learn healthy parenting and restore the relationship with her child. She waited, and waited, and waited to be reunited with her daughter - a separation that only got more painful with each passing day, not easier. She woke up every morning to a tremendous loss - another day in her child's life she would never get back. No doubt, she must have asked herself a million times, “Should I have worn another outfit to court?”, “Did I cry too much on the stand?” She probably exhausted herself, wondering what she should have done differently to get her daughter back. What detail did she overlook?

And as an organization backing her throughout this process, we poured into her circumstances and checked all the boxes, but her situation continued to drag on with little hope. There were days when this custody case seemed to take one step forward and two steps back as if there was an invisible force working against us. With a bit of weariness, we began to question what we might have overlooked or what we should have done better.

It's times like these when we are tempted to ask ourselves, "Did I not pray enough or use the right words?", "Should I have fasted more?", "Did I not get the God formula right?"

As we have often seen, one day with absolutely no warning, God made Jessie's situation come together by speaking to the heart of an individual who could change the tide, someone we least expected. In the blink of an eye, this mother and her little girl were back together again. It was a miracle.

In looking back, did we pay too much attention to the details? I don’t think so because it’s our duty to perform our jobs with excellence. But I suspect when God was good and ready to restore this family, nothing could stand in his way. After all, God’s timing is always perfect.

Let's pray: Lord, please forgive me for the times I have allowed trivial and insignificant details to get in the way of genuine communication with you. Amen

Personal challenges and reflection:

• Do you have unwritten restrictions on how your prayer should be structured? If so, what are they? If not, do you expect others to follow a particular protocol when they pray? Are you uncomfortable when they don’t?
• When you pray, are you willing to completely lift your cares to the Lord and hand them off to him? Are you tempted to take them back when you don’t see the results you want?
• Do you sometimes find yourself taking on prayer as a burden rather than a gift? Do you believe the words you choose will directly affect the outcome?