Not my Child
But God showed how much he loved us by having Chrst die for us, even though we were sinful.
I gave my heart to Jesus when I was 8, I had no doubt in my mind or heart that Jesus gave his life to come and save me. I knew I was a sinner.
My perspective on God was a little different. Because the church I attentded preached the "hellfire and damnation" aspect of God's character, I was terrified of God. It sounds silly in a way but believe me, it causes some serious problems when you have a skewed picture of God.
When I was 10, I turned away from the church. At that point in my life, I was being molested and because I didn't understand the what and why, I thought it was a punishment from God. Maybe if I had stayed in church I would have learned the errors of my thinking but I didn't.
I did not return to church for close to 20 years. Even then, it was not for me, I thought God had written me off but I wanted my child to know Jesus. I soon learned the errors in my thinking, and I met the real God - not the one in my imagination, not the one I had always heard preached.
It is now 17 years later and I am still getting to know this God. I really struggled to accept and believe that God loves me. After years of believing he wrote me off, it's hard to adjust your thinking. But God has a way of getting his point across in ways that you could just never imagine. Mine was just that way.
My son was just over a year old and he woke up one morning burning up with the fever. I got him an appt with the doctor, and then proceeded to do everything I knew how to keep him comfortable. About an hour before my son's appt with the doctor, he started having febrile seizures and turning blue. I called the ambulance who rushed him to the hospital and believe me, I prayed. Turns out my son had the flu - and it had already taken multiple lives of children and the elderly. I prayed more! By late that night, I was exhausted but scared to sleep so I prayed more. I remember praying for God to let me take his flu, to take his place begging anything to save my child. It was then it hit me literally an eye opening moment. I would give my life for someone I loved, but there is absolutely NO ONE that I would give my childs life for. I could not even imagine. Yet God did - Yes Jesus gave up his life and I am not making light of that but do you ever stop and think of God as a parent. Any parent who loves their child, I think would be thinking like me.
So taking a look at it, God as the parent loved us so much that he sent his son to die for us. That is no small thing yet we just gloss over. Stop and think about that. Would you send your child to save someone knowing that your child was going to die?
Jesus came knowing he would die and knowing it would be a horrible death. I might die for my child, but definitely don't think I could work up the love to die for someone who hated me, spit on me etc. That is love!
I still struggle in my walk, and sometimes old thoughts try to creep in at my weak moments. But it's the knowing that this GOD loved me this much that helps me turn the corner. I may never know everything there is to know about my God, but I know the most important.
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