"Remember when we were pregnant, and we thought giving birth would be the hardest part? hahaha hahaha haha haha HELPPP!!!"
"Mom, what's it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?"
"I don't know dear, you'll have to ask Grandma."
"You call it 'nagging', I call it 'Listen to what I said the first time.'"
"A friend asked what parenting toddlers was like, so I hid her keys, head-butted her in the face, and then told her I loved her more than all the stars."