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How we view our differences makes all the difference in our relationship.
Understanding our differences makes us better but being able to turn our differences into positive elevates us to dream team status.
“I can do things you cannot, you can do things I cannot; together we can do great things.” (Mother Teresa)
The Love Language Test is an analysis of your emotional communication preference.
Differences:
· Brain Function: the ratio of gray matter to white matter varies between a man and a woman’s brain - gray and white matter are found in the corpus callosum superhighway between the hemispheres of a brain.
Gray matter is like the computing power of the brain, (where the actual processing and functioning is done) while white matter is like the network cables that connect the computers for speed, allowing them to work together, and sending signals from one computer to the next.
Women have more white matter and men have more gray matter.
“To be honest, most guys I know would be tempted to conclude that women clearly have major processor problems (to stick with the computer analogy.) To our way of thinking, their way of thinking needs a fix! But that’s not the case. Interestingly, new research continues to show that a woman’s brain is fundamentally different from a man’s brain, and it doesn’t need fixing--we just need to understand how it works.”
· Roomology: He lives in the room he is currently in and she lives in multiple rooms simultaneously.
· Security: Financial Security and “stuff” vs. Emotional Security and closeness
· Conversationally: Men focus on achievement, women focus on relationships
Women excel at “rapport-talk” while men excel at “report-talk.”
· Cognitively: Men pull away and process, Women pull together and share.
· Relationally: Men connect shoulder to shoulder, Women connect face to face.
· Intimacy: Men spell intimacy S-E-X, Women spell intimacy T-A-L-K
Emotional Desires of Women:
1.She desires to be CHERISHED by you
2.She desires to be RESPECTED by you
Include her in decisions--ask her input, especially if the decisions affect her!
Respecting her means wanting to know what her passions, dreams and aspirations are and supporting her pursuit of them.
3.She desires to be PURSUED by you.
“What Men desire”:
1. He desires to be ADMIRED by you
Admired: To be proud of, to be in awe over…to recognize and praise his accomplishments; to be appreciated for what he does at work and at home, for you and for others.
“Being appreciated is a man’s primary need. He measures his worth through his achievements, big and small, and needs them to be recognized. Men derive their worth more from what they do, while women derive their worth more from who they are.”
2. He desires to be RESPECTED by you
Respect to a guy means choosing to trust and appreciate him, believe in and honor him.
Just as our man can choose to demonstrate love toward us even if they don’t feel it at the moment, so we can and should choose to demonstrate respect.
Ephesians 5:33 NLT
For married couples – Ephesians 5:33Nevertheless let each one of you [husbands] love his own wife as himself [lay your life down for hers], and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Paul starts this section by stating husbands and wives are to submit to EACH OTHER and he ends this section by stating that a Christian marriage should be marked by love and respect.
Some ways you can respect your boyfriend, fiancé or husband.
1. Respect his judgment: respect his knowledge, opinions, and decisions.
2. Respect his abilities and his need to figure things out for himself
3. Respect what he accomplishes
4. Respect with our communication, especially in front of other!
From “For Women Only” Shaunti shares:
“Dozens of men told me how painful it is when their wives or girlfriends criticize them in public, put them down, or even question their judgment in front of others.” Because guys are always in competition with each other, the guys shared, “Your wife is the person who knows you better than anyone, and if she doesn’t respect you, how can you expect another man to?
Rule of Thumb: If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of yourself!
How can we make our differences dynamic rather than destructive?
Begin to acknowledge each other’s personal skills and special abilities as a positive not a negative. (Expound here about each other)
John Maxwell says: Teamwork makes the dream work.
Coach Phil Jackson said, "The strength of the team is each individual member; the strength of each member is the team.”
As individuals, we have ideas, passions, goals, a God-given purpose, and dreams, and we should support each other in these, while at the same time, we are also individuals who are participating in a relationship and we should bring our gifts and talents, wisdom and experience together so we can reach our full potential as a team, too!
We’re a TEAM!
· Planning together (Finances - spending plan, giving plan, savings plan)
· Playing together (Recreational fun, date and movie nights, vacations)
· Praying together (Spiritual development) Quote: Prayer is your best solution not your last resort. It has been said that “Couples who pray together, stay together.”
· Working together (House chores, yard, meals, laundry, shopping - We are a team! ) (I came home the other day and my hubby had folded all the laundry and cleaned up the kitchen for me! We grocery shop together – and have a blast!
· Parenting together (Agreeing on discipline, coaching and training, playing and participating with the kids, both should be very involved – now as a grandparent, we share and help each other!)
· Dreaming together (Dreaming about our future together, what legacy do we want to leave, What story do we want our children and grandchildren to read about our lives (Our son’s tattoo) {setting goals together}
Amos 3:3 NLT
We’re a team! Amos 3:3 Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?
If you are married, is it possible to reach your dreams without becoming a team? The simple answer is “NO”!
Let me end with this point:
A lot of people will come and go in your lives, Staff, employees and employers, neighbors, family members and even your kids will leave some day, but there will be one standing with you through it all. This is the one you need to make your priority! Only God has a higher priority.
You are better together! If we are going to reach our dreams it’s important that we become a team.