Honest Prayer of a Struggling Heart
This is an excerpt of my time being real with God. Of course I couldn't post the entire thing. And as you read this, I would like to say, don't ever let anyone fool you with extreme spirituality characterized by deep talk and sometimes a prideful talk that's based on their work and less on the work of Christ. Like John Piper once said, "we are not professionals brothers". Christ is. No matter how good we talk, we are only vessels of a good God. The vessels, by themselves without the Living Water, are dead, parched.
...I fed real legitimate hunger with dust, with sand. I ate sand, and drank gasoline to satisfy a hunger that nothing else but You could satisfy. So many things have been going wrong the past month, financially, emotionally, academically, spiritually, everything. But at the end of the day, I see how a lot of it is really a reflection of my spiritual state, and a lot of it are consequences to choices I made at some point. God, I am tired of describing and focusing on my sin. You know all of this, and more. But God, I want you I want to come back to my first and only love. I have had enough really. A month of rebellion and coldness is way too much. God, I want you to revive me. God even as I am praying and fasting and my body and mind (flesh) don't really feel like it or the need to, God I still pray for a miraculous restoration of my mind, body, and spirit. God, restore to me the supernatural, holy, perfect inhibitions and freedom of the Holy Spirit. I need your influence on every area of my life, so that I can once again live for you and get back to desiring your will, your work, your desires. God, if it pleases you restore me and help me because I am completely snuffed out. Light the lamp of my heart again. God I am not dead yet, so don't leave me for death. I have nowhere else to go God. I have no one else to turn to. God, continue to develop in me the spiritual discipline that you had started when you pulled me out slavery to sin. Not for the sake of my own righteousness and self-pleasure, but for your own sake. For the sake of obeying your commands, and pleasing you, and living in your eternal destiny, save me.
Jeremiah 2:13: "My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water."
Created about 1 year ago