Boundaries- pt 4 "lack of..."
Boundaries- or lack of...
Catching the virus- Having contact with someone who causes u to become depressed, argumentative, self-critical, angry or withdrawn is a bad idea!! It's as though u catch the virus and then pass it on to others in ur life.
If this is happening, u are not owning ur life (and are lackIng a boundary).. u are giving that person too much power!!! If someone is able to cause havoc in u, by doing/saying something, u are allowing that person control over YOU!!.
Respond, Dont React!!
If u find urself reacting instead of responding, step away to regain control of yourself... that way u dont do/say anything that violates ur seperateness... (Responding is when u remain in control, with options and choices).
There is nothing wrong with staying away from the contagious for a while.. it's healthy, its biblical, and most times necessary to remove yourself for the person, or even situation. Walk away or go for a drive (worship music or prayer works wonders in these times).. Just be prepared to seperate for however long it takes to regain control of yourself!!. Then you can go back when u can respond appropriately!!
3's a crowd!-
Dysfunctional families are known for this boundary problem... it is when 2 people fail to own their anger and pull in a 3rd party in for resolve! As an example, I will use Ann, Brian and Carol as the players of the triangle game.
Ann is angry at Brian. Ann does not tell Brian, but calls Carol to gripe about Brian. Carol listens whenever Ann wants to play the triangle game... By this time, Brian feels lonely and also calls Carol for comfort (discussing the conflict). Carol becomes confidant of both Ann and Brian, but the problem does not get fixed... it actually gets worse because the relayed messages from Carol are now distorted from ear to ear..
Carol has no business in the conflict!! But, for whatever reason, Ann and Brian choose not to confront each other and use Carol to comfort them and hope she can solve their problem! Ann and Brian need to own their anger in a private conversation with each other!!
Remember boundaries are necessary to have healthy relationships!!! They are about LOVE!! Love God, yourelf, and others by learning to say "NO"!
If our ties to others are truly loving, we will be free to give love- We need to learn to love with limits, not resentment. So make sure ur decisions are made on the inside, not just on the outside.. make sure u are doing things bc u freely choose to, not because you are feeling manipulated to, or u will experience resentment!
Also, these tips are to be used to help u gain control of ur life!!! But, they are not to be confused with being obedient to God.
Obedience Example: You may not ever feel like forgiving someone or urself.. however, u are commanded to do so... but, the rule still applies.. if u havent made the decision on the inside... it wont count and u will still experience the consequences that come with unforgiveness!
I will continue to pray that the Lord helps us make better decisions.. revealing our areas of weakness.. teaching us how to love enough to say "NO" to the bad and "YES" to the good!
Created about 1 year ago