I’m Just a Guy: Without Patienceনমুনা

When Anger Takes Over

It’s been my experience that impatience and anger are close cousins. Interestingly enough, whichever one shows up first, the other is sure to follow.

I’ve seen this firsthand when my three-year-old son wants to “help” with chores on the farm. If you’ve ever been around toddlers, you’ll probably agree—their “help” rarely feels helpful.

Take mucking horse stalls, for example. He sees me with a pitchfork in hand, and instantly, his instincts tell him, I want to be like Dad. Within seconds, he’s got his own little pitchfork and is going to town, scooping up as much as his small frame will allow.

The scooping part he’s got down. It’s the lifting into the wheelbarrow that gets tricky. Since he’s only three, hoisting a pitchfork full of muck up to that height is often more than his little arms can manage. The end result? Usually, half of what he tried to dump ends up right back on the floor.

Now, for me, that means double the work—cleaning up what he dropped and the extra pine shavings he inevitably brings along. Sadly, that’s often the point where my frustration rises, and my tone shifts. I can see the change in him immediately. His shoulders slump. His smile fades. The light in his eyes disappears.

In that moment, my impatience with his learning turns into anger—and I hate it. It hurts to admit, but I share it because I know I’m not the only one who’s been there. When I get so focused on the task that anything slowing me down feels like an obstacle, I forget what matters most—the heart beside me, not the work in front of me.

The last thing I want is for my son to think his dad doesn’t value his effort. Yet that’s exactly what he experiences when my impatience wins.

It strikes me as interesting when I reflect on the words of James and how he added “slow to anger” alongside “quick to listen” and “slow to speak.” Those first two go together like peanut butter and jelly—it just makes sense. So why add anger?

I think the Spirit was crystal clear with James in that moment. Because if he’d left that part out, we might have missed the deeper truth: when we act out of our own anger—rather than God’s righteousness—we step outside of His will. When we let anger drive, we’re no longer reflecting the heart of Christ.

Just as impatience and anger are cousins, love and anger are complete strangers. One cannot exist with the other. And every time I let anger take over, I trade the opportunity to build up for the impulse to tear down.

So if you find yourself in a situation where anger rises—take a purposeful pause. Breathe. Remember that the tone that comes next might be shaping someone’s heart more than your words ever could.

Because the truth is this: righteousness is never born out of rage. It’s revealed through restraint. And when we choose patience over anger, we create space for God to show up, soften hearts, and remind everyone involved—including us—that love always wins where anger never can.

Reflection Questions:

• What triggers your anger when things don’t happen fast enough?
• How can you pause before reacting so you can respond with patience?